Infantile
I never needed you
I got older now and realized I never needed you…
Ok, I guess I would be lying if I said age had to do with it
But see, I had been lost for quite a few years
Love was what I wanted to find
So, I guess lost is a lie too…
I knew exactly what I wanted
Everyone around me did not have it
I studied this to a level that I never wanted to willingly know
My capacity was large
But every single last encounter with you all made it got smaller
Ugh, ok, another lie
My capacity to love got bigger, somehow
My tolerance was shaped with empathy
But not one of you wanted it
The lack of using me suffocated me
To be really honest because of that I secretly hated you
Damn, YOU GOT ME AGAIN!
But you have to understand
I had your remedy and you refused me…
I despised your obstacles that didn’t let me in
And was hating the fact that you could sit there and
See me struggle to love you
In the midst of it I moved on, in a way…
Obsessing on why couldn’t you love me?
And I mean me… All of me?
I see now that it wasn’t because of my
Hair, personality, decisions, or existence.
I am not sure if I need to know this answer
But really…
Why couldn’t you love me?
I am at the point where I want to forget you ever existed
But a part of my heart will disappear too
My new bliss has me in the same shoes as you
When did I swap roles
How did you all give me what I fought so hard to be against?
I judge me harsher than I would ever judge you?
Scared of giving myself mercy
In complete fear that I would find this hiding comfy
Wow! There I go again…
I already found it comfortable.
But on this new level
He shows me without grace
Hard on me and in my face
I’m in a new season and a new place
I want to be the person I first was with
But that is clearly not my current case
I need to slow down but it’s a race
And if I am honest
I’m exhausted guys
Please give me time
I have been exhausted since I met you in my past
Fortunately, there is one thing that makes me proud
I know it is different from here on out
